Thursday, August 15, 2019

The First Day of School and Missing My Momma



photo cred: Me

Today was the first day of school for my son. My youngest. My only child still in school. He started his junior year of high school today. In just two short years he will be moving off somewhere to begin the next phase of his life. But, for now, he's still home.

Every year I ask my school-age children what they want for breakfast their first day of school. Every year, without fail, the response is "chocolate chunk pancakes." So, today started with chocolate chunk pancakes and my son heading off in his new outfit. Once I dropped him off at school I went home to thoughts of my grandson beginning kindergarten today. It was a big day for my tribe! I really wanted to talk to my mom about all the milestones of the day.

I guess I never realized how ingrained it had become for me to call my mother on the first day of school. The kids have gotten back into their routine and the house is quiet again, allowing me time to talk to my mom about upcoming plans and other first-days. But, my mom passed away almost three years ago. My heart forgot for one brief beat and I wanted desperately to talk to her about how grown-up my son is and how big my grandson is. I needed to hear her voice reassuring me that all is as it should be.

There are times I miss my Momma so much I cry. Today was one of those times. My heart aches from missing her as much now as it did those weeks after she'd first passed away. Not always. Most days are good and thoughts of my mom make me smile, but somedays, today, it's almost like losing her all over again. Those days when my heart forgets for that single beat that Mom is not here. 

Well, enough melancholy for one day. My son had a good first day of 11th grade and my grandson had a great first day of kindergarten. My heart is full and my mom would be proud of all of us.